Crushes

I can't imagine how they would for everyone. I just know that every crush I've had in my life, has been all consuming. It has been an intense yearning that would be hard to ignore for anyone let alone a young, misguided hormonal teenage girl. I don't think there's anyone out there that could disagree that teenage girls are a very different species from the rest of humanity. Crushes much like the constant feeling that everything is against us is something nearly impossible to describe and yet you know in your heart of hearts that while everyone goes through it you feel as if you're the only one it could possibly feel this harsh to.

Well, I know that though I've had many crushes, there's only ever been one that has persisted over time and space. Only one that took me from 7th grade until junior year in college to shake. Let me tell you the moment I realized it no longer consumed me was the day I realized I really was a grown up. The boy that I wished would be my very best friend. The boy I wished wanted to see me, talk to me, be around me as much as I wanted to see, talk to and be around. The boy that I hated for being with every other girl. Prettier girls, uglier girls, nicer girls, mean girls, etc. The one friends would say, "Oh, he totally likes you... he did... blah, blah, blah." My friends meant well, we always do, but it just kept the delusion alive, where one day he would want to be with me. Did he know I liked him? In hindsight, he'd have to be a total moron not to know. With some speculation, it was safe to say yes, and I hated him for that. But I suppose having the fantasy was way better than the reality. Which is probably why I never said anything.

It's strange how something could be so important to you one day and the next day mean absolutely nothing. Do I still talk to this boy? Yes... with a lot of reluctance. Does some part of me obsess from time to time over him? Yes. It's like my mind is on auto drive and it just is looking for something to do. But do i feel the need for the storybook ending anymore? Absolutely not. ans that my friend is the best feeling in the world. thank god for adulthood! And infatuation.

xoxo
Jordan