Fears

If asked what my biggest fears are, initially it seems like a short silly list: 1) Martin Short 2) clowns 3) the sound giant spiders make on movies. But the past few days, I've been going through a rough patch. Classes, assignments, sorority, expectations. No matter what you do there's always expectations. And just recently I've realized I disappoint no one more than myself when I fall short of them. Which isn't surprising, you're always your toughest critic. But something I realized while at the rec today, I do the best thinking there, I found myself trying to keep from crying... My biggest fear isn't Martin Short... It's not being good enough. Height, weight, appearance, school, friends, family I'm always doing something to make someone else proud. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be doing these things on my own accord but my issue is that I kill myself trying to get it perfect to get praise from others. And I think that's where my issue today arose. Cause until this epiphany in the gym, I never thought I was one of those people pleasers, those praise seekers, I thought I did everything in the quest of making myself happy. And realizing this was truly upsetting. Even more upsetting is the deep seeded issues that caused this and how it has effected aspect of my life. You never truly shake the feeling that you aren't good enough. You just learn to accept it and try like hell to quiet that voice.

One day at a time. 

xoxo

Jordan