It's Not A Bad Life, Just A Bad Week

"So, this is my life. I am both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

This has been an emotional, stressful week to say the least. It was fabulous because we had two snow days, and breaks are always magnificent. But there always comes a time when too much free time turns to over-analyzing and then despair. I had that moment a few times this past week. Lots of crying and deep thinking. It's hard to go about your life when you feel as if you're sinking in quick sand or as if you're drowning. But it's not a bad life, just a bad week, I'm lucky that I have people in my life that wish me well and are always there to support me. Sometimes all you need is to vent out all your fears and move past it, and I realized that the only thing standing in my way was myself. Which is difficult to accept and then move past but it's a day by day process.

I had to read Emilie Richards' Wedding Ring, for my Quiltmaking class, this past week. This book is seriously one of the best books I've ever read. It may not be life altering for others, but sometimes something comes into your life when you need it, and I didn't realize how badly I needed this book until I read it. It's a story about four women, "three of which share nothing more than DNA", who spend the summer together. The book chronicles their lives up to that point, each had experienced something devastating in their lives and they managed to survive. I know that God doesn't put anything into your life path that you can't handle. So that's the message I took from it, when you go through something at a young age, it's God's way of showing you just what you're made of exactly. When you have to fight for what you deserve, want, and need, it makes you a better person and it makes the happy times that much happier. So in the moment, of course we suffer despair and rage and sorrow, but once you've lived through that and thrived, then you know you can handle absolutely anything. And ultimately, while it might not seem like it, we're lucky to experience such tough things in life, because we're forced to survive. People who don't face any hardships in life are helpless and useless in the fight to take back their life.

"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end... because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing... This shadow. Even darkness must pass."

I have to do an internship to graduate. I would love to make Dean's List both of my remaining semesters, to make for 4/8. I would like to further enjoy my time in Akron, because I know that when I graduate, I'm leaving to return only sporadically. This is the time in my life to enjoy life to the fullest, I live in my sorority house, I have some of the best people in this world as my friends and sisters. I have an incredibly supportive family and I truly blessed in every form of the word. So what I need to do is stop dragging my feet, stop dreading the future, and accept like I did high school graduation, college is coming to an end, and either I can make myself miserable or I can live life to the fullest, and stop acting like it's ending. Cause it's not.

"Everything will be better in the end. And if it's not- it's not the end."

 xoxo

Jordan

"It's always darkest before the dawn"