The first book I read this semester was
The Epic of Gilgamesh.
Where a man was forced to face his own mortality,
not just others.
A girl at my high school died over
winter break, I didn't know her.
But I know that she was loved.
And I know that others will miss her until they
see her again one day.
My grandpa died the summer before sophomore year.
That year was a hard year,
my best friend at the time's grandpa
died and then her uncle
the latter part of the year.
And then my grandpa died, then her
grandma, and then my dog died.
If it hadn't happened to me,
I would've thought it was a bad country song.
So now when other people lose loved one's
I understand completely how they feel.
I understand the anger and the confusion.
I still feel hurt and dismay.
But it helps to write it down and get my thoughts
and feelings out.
I never talked about it until the spring of my senior year.
And then again for a part I had to write in my
English Composition 1 class.
And it was extremely hard to finally come to terms with my feelings.
I could joke about it or cry about it.
But it wasn't until last year when I realized that I had
never really accepted it.
I grew up in a Christian household.
We went to church.
We went to Sunday School.
I learned about God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit.
I learned all of the principles that my mom and our church
felt important.
And intellectually I understood that my grandpa was old,
as was my best friend's grandma, her grandpa, and great uncle.
And my dog was sick.
But I think it had a lot to do with maybe it literally
all happening faster than a year.
But for the first time I lost my faith in God.
And until last year, I didn't even know how good
having faith felt.
Believing and knowing that everything will work out
if half of the battle.
I'm so happy that I was able to make it through those 2 1/2 years,
because without them, I don't
think I'd be the same person.
So I pray for anyone going through a hard time.
It will get better.
You will make it through this.
You're stronger than you even know.
Just believe that.
Never take anything for granted.
And have faith!
xoxo,
Jordan
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